I’ve struggled with not feeling good enough.
As a kid in school, I stayed up late anxiously cramming for tests or perfecting papers that I’d procrastinated writing.
My “not good enough” anxiety helped me achieve, but robbed me of the deeper joy of learning, and being present in my life.
Working in the corporate world, proving my worth made me demand perfection from myself (and others) while seeking validation through promotions and raises.
Being the “go to” person made me feel needed, but the constant climb was exhausting. I used coffee to help me perform, alcohol to unwind, and Prozac to help me look like I had it together, while still feeling unworthy inside.
This broke me, and didn’t make the voice quiet down.
Fifteen years later, even though I’ve done “the work,” this old familiar feeling still visits.
It’s much subtler + less frequent, but I still recognize this fear voice when I’m trying something new, outside my comfort zone.
I hear it:
– When I start developing a new project at work, and am afraid to launch until it’s “perfect.”
– When I’m dating + I am attracted to an unavailable man, I feel the need to prove my worth to “make it happen.”
– When my teenage daughter gets angry, I assume better mothering would solve it all.
But my wise heart knows the truth.
That I am and always have been absolutely good enough, just as I am. (And you are, too, btw!)
Now, when I feel that old fear clench in my body…
I breathe deeply, put my hand on my heart, channel my wise inner adult and say tenderly to myself,
“Oh sweetie, this feeling is hard. You’re not alone. Everyone feels this way sometimes. I see you. I love you. I’m listening. I’ve got you.”
And the clench loosens, the fear releases.
These inner critical thoughts no longer lead me to work harder to control the situation.
Instead, they are a gentle reminder for me to let go and TRUST…
To slow down and listen with compassion to that part of myself that’s feeling scared.
To feel the support that’s inside and all around me.
And choose myself.
One step, and one deep breath at a time.