Young girls are taught to “be good.” Good girls are kind, patient and pretty. They’re not aggressive or bossy, and they don’t get angry. Whether that was told to us directly or it was modeled by our mothers, teachers or culture, we know in our bones that “anger is...

When I’m afraid or feel out of control about a situation in my life, like if I’m caught in a conflict with someone, or I need to set a boundary I’ve been avoiding, my first instinct is to speed up and do more. 

I start to move fast. I go into doing mode, and try to “figure things out” with my head. It feels frenetic.

Sometimes I can spin in that head space for hours or even days. It’s my old protective mode that I rely on to attempt to control things, so that I can feel safe, and get what I want. 

But I’ve discovered that pushing harder and doing more is the exact opposite of what I need.